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panicparade
panicparade
19 January 2015 @ 10:05 pm
*yawn*  

This week I've averaged 2 hours of sleep. The week before it was 3. At this rate, in two weeks, I won't be sleeping at all.

The thing is that this has happened before, I'm not unfamiliar with this. But the last time it happened when my aunt passed away so that was kind of understandable, I guess? And it fixed itself after 6 months, by which point I was used to working on less sleep.

Unfortunately, it's been 3 years since that happened and now I'm used to sleeping for more than 6 hours a day, so it's a terrible inconvinience. I'm hoping it will fix itself this time too, but I kind of doubt it.

The worst part is that I'm generally a very content person, I don't stress out about a lot of things. So the fact that I can't sleep because of stress is baffling. I'm constantly worried about what will happen in May, when my fellowship ends. I need to have a job, or maybe I want to have a job. Idk. The reason I gave my parents for not going to grad school this year is that I want more experience, which is true because just this fellowship will get me nowhere. Not to mention my sad GMAT score.

*takes a deep breath* I have 4.5 months. I can do this. All I need to do is fix my CV because I'm a 23 24 (still not used to it!) year old who can't write a good CV. It's so confusing! If I write too much about what I've done, I feel like I'm boasting. If I don't write too much then I know I'm underselling. ARGH!
(I won't even mention Cover letters and the fact that I've never written one in my entire life.)

As a result of all the stress and sleep depriviation I'm spending my days like a zombie. I'm working, then studying, then just laying on bed staring at the ceiling. I so wanted to catch up with Erised, get started on my other fic but I just can't concentrate.

What do you do when you can't sleep? I generally listen to music, but I think that's also stopped working.

Moving on to other news - there was a meme on tumblr that made me realise that the question I had to think hardest about was a place that makes me happy. So clearly my life needs more happiness.

This is why I've decided to the 100 Days of Happiness challenge. I think I need it.  :)
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Current Music: Red - Hymn for the missing
Current Mood: stressed
 
6 comments | Leave a comment
 
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akamine_chan[personal profile] akamine_chan on January 19th, 2015 05:22 pm (UTC)
If I write too much about what I've done, I feel like I'm boasting. If I don't write too much then I know I'm underselling.

Yeah, you need to get over this.

Are you looking to update your CV in terms of applying and getting into grad school, or to get a job? Either way, I know a lot of people who might be able to look over your CV and give you pointers/advice.

*hugs*
panicparade[personal profile] panicparade on January 22nd, 2015 05:12 pm (UTC)
I know :( I've just never really had to write a CV before, the fellowship didn't need one so I have no idea what I'm doing.

Woah, that would be kind of awesome! Any sort of advice would help! I need to update my CV for getting a job.(would they mind helping out with cover letters too? :)) ♥

winterlover[personal profile] winterlover on January 19th, 2015 09:20 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
Unfortunately I don't know a remedy for insomnia. I really hope you'll get more sleep soon.

But don't see putting things you've done as boasting, it's just stating facts to help readers of your CV understand your abilities.

100 Days of Happiness - oh, nice!
panicparade[personal profile] panicparade on January 22nd, 2015 05:14 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I just need to get over the mind block I have! :)
[Which sounds so easy! :/]

I'me excited for the 100 days of happiness! I think I need it and I also think it would help me!
prophetic[personal profile] prophetic on January 21st, 2015 06:07 am (UTC)
I have several things I do when I can't sleep and, um, I'll just leave them here for you in a totally non-recommending way:

1. there is this great white noise generator online (simplynoise.com) but the best noise for being sleepy and relaxing is the brown noise. It is very velvety. It makes me fall asleep at work when I use it by mistake instead of the other colors. Pink and white are more awakey ranges of noise.

2. Benadryl (the allergy medicine) is one of my favorite nonprescription anti-anxiety non-habit-forming sleep aids. It just . . . makes me really sleepy. So I take it when I am anxious and have trouble sleeping because my mind is racing or whatever.

3. I take this supplement called Seriphos (nonprescription, buy at well-stocked vitamin stores, 3 capsules at bedtime). The idea of it is to suppress your cortisol (stress hormone) levels at night, when, if you were normal, they would naturally be low. It makes me pleasantly sleepy. I have anxiety, stress, and adrenal issues, so this was part of a broader treatment strategy that was very focused on stress/adrenal stuff, and would probably make sense only if this kind of stress/anxiety thing sounds like it fits for you? I went back to Seriphos after I thought I was taking bendaryl too often, but I don't actually think there is any harm in taking benadryl too often, so.

Good luck getting some sleep! I have never had insomnia that severely, so I can't vouch for these remedies in those cases, but I wish you the best.

panicparade[personal profile] panicparade on January 22nd, 2015 05:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm definitely going to try and 1 and 2!! :) ♥